On being a stepmom

I've decided being a stepmom is one of the scariest things I have ever been a part of. This is from the person who has willingly jumped from an airplane. This is much scarier!

I am experiencing being a stepmom in a way that most women don't. I have a teenager living in my house full time. Now I know that I'm hardly the first woman to go through this but I also know that most of the time, the dad does not get custody of the kids. This is actually how we started as well. The hubby did not even try too hard to get custody of his daughter because he thought it would tear his ex-wife up and he mostly harbors no ill will towards her.... most of the time. But when his ex decided to move yet again, the teenager had had enough. She refused to move and wanted to stay in the school district that she had been in for most of her school years.

So we went back to court mostly uncontested because the ex knew that the teenager would be able to have a say in where she lived. This is how I became a full time stepmom. Don't get me wrong, I am completely thrilled with having her live here. She is a very good kid... causes almost no problems... ever. I count my lucky stars every day that she is so sweet and very accepting of me since the very beginning.

This is the problem really. She is so accepting of me that she tells me things -- everything! I hear things that happen at her school... with her friends... with boys... Sometimes I feel completely unprepared to deal with all of the honesty I get from her. I am glad she trusts me and I want to her continue to feel comfortable to tell me everything. I often don't know how to respond... She is dealing with things that I never had to so I don't know what to tell her much of the time.

I have no kids of my own so I haven't had too much time to think about how I would raise one and to start with a teenager is a scary prospect for me. Most of my friends have little kids and while they are helpful, they really haven't yet had to think about things like dating, boys, college, etc. I do have one friend who is the stepmom to a teenager and has dealt with some of the stuff I am going through. But again, they didn't deal with these issues every single minute of the day. I don't want to minimize her contribution to that teenager's life. Without a doubt they were very involved in her life but I've been on both sides of this situation and it feels different now. I feel so much more responsible for how this girl turns out. It overwhelms me sometimes and terrifies me too.

The questions that run through my head on a daily basis are the following... What if she turns out all wrong because I didn't do something right?? How do I avoid being a bad parent when I have never really thought about how to be a good parent?? Will she blame me if all her dreams come true??

I know I'm not the first person to go through this. I just wish I had friends who had been there too. Wish me luck!