These are the days that I LOVE being a stepmom

Once I get past the painfully expensive reality of having a 14 year old in my house, there are days that I truly enjoy. Today was one of those days. She is a freshman in high school this year and LOVES to dress up in goofy costumes. This week is homecoming week here in Spring, Texas. Every day they have a new theme. Thursday's theme truly warms my soul... 80's day! So today we went to Walmart to find an outfit so that she can participate properly. This is a preview of what she has put together... She tells me that the makeup will be much better that day so there could potentially be more pictures later this week. (I couldn't find leg warmers so we had to improvise some)

On being a stepmom

I've decided being a stepmom is one of the scariest things I have ever been a part of. This is from the person who has willingly jumped from an airplane. This is much scarier!

I am experiencing being a stepmom in a way that most women don't. I have a teenager living in my house full time. Now I know that I'm hardly the first woman to go through this but I also know that most of the time, the dad does not get custody of the kids. This is actually how we started as well. The hubby did not even try too hard to get custody of his daughter because he thought it would tear his ex-wife up and he mostly harbors no ill will towards her.... most of the time. But when his ex decided to move yet again, the teenager had had enough. She refused to move and wanted to stay in the school district that she had been in for most of her school years.

So we went back to court mostly uncontested because the ex knew that the teenager would be able to have a say in where she lived. This is how I became a full time stepmom. Don't get me wrong, I am completely thrilled with having her live here. She is a very good kid... causes almost no problems... ever. I count my lucky stars every day that she is so sweet and very accepting of me since the very beginning.

This is the problem really. She is so accepting of me that she tells me things -- everything! I hear things that happen at her school... with her friends... with boys... Sometimes I feel completely unprepared to deal with all of the honesty I get from her. I am glad she trusts me and I want to her continue to feel comfortable to tell me everything. I often don't know how to respond... She is dealing with things that I never had to so I don't know what to tell her much of the time.

I have no kids of my own so I haven't had too much time to think about how I would raise one and to start with a teenager is a scary prospect for me. Most of my friends have little kids and while they are helpful, they really haven't yet had to think about things like dating, boys, college, etc. I do have one friend who is the stepmom to a teenager and has dealt with some of the stuff I am going through. But again, they didn't deal with these issues every single minute of the day. I don't want to minimize her contribution to that teenager's life. Without a doubt they were very involved in her life but I've been on both sides of this situation and it feels different now. I feel so much more responsible for how this girl turns out. It overwhelms me sometimes and terrifies me too.

The questions that run through my head on a daily basis are the following... What if she turns out all wrong because I didn't do something right?? How do I avoid being a bad parent when I have never really thought about how to be a good parent?? Will she blame me if all her dreams come true??

I know I'm not the first person to go through this. I just wish I had friends who had been there too. Wish me luck!

The Marathon Chronicles - Week ummmm... who the heck knows

This marathon training is definitely going better than my last two attempts. We ran 12 miles for the first time two weeks ago and will run that distance this weekend. I'm feeling pretty healthy for the most part. I do come home with some aches and pains when I run more than 10 but that really is to be expected.

The running during the week isn't quite as consistent as I would like. I am finding that even though I'm not caring for a small child, just having one in the house makes working out a challenge. Well... it wouldn't have to be if I were OK with her eating chicken nuggets and pizza rolls everyday but I'm not.

I'm trying to start running in the morning and then maybe at lunch once we have cooler weather here. The morning thing is not an easy thing unless I have a lot on my mind and I just happen to wake up at 4am. It did happen a few weeks ago but not this week! I am only averaging 2 out of the 3 weekday runs most weeks. I'm sure it will be enough but I just hate not feeling like I have the time. Hopefully the weather will change soon and I can start the running at lunch routine.

And the dating starts...

Speaking of the really cute teenager dating, she has her first official date this month for homecoming. I hoping I would have a little more time before all that started but here we are. It's only been a year since I got married and suddenly I have to worry about what they are going to try with her 'cause I know they will eventually.

I believe her to have very strong morals but you never know what hormones and emotions are going to do to those beliefs. I just hope that she sticks to her beliefs for a good long while like I did. Wish me luck!

And by the way, Jessica McClintock should be destroyed. No teenager should own a dress that is more than $200. I didn't have one until I was 30 and I think that is a good thing. Oh, and the next time that we agree to pay for a dresss that we didn't help shop for, there will be no shopping at THAT store! And there will be spending limits or the teenager will have to kick in some allowance money to make up the difference.

We have a pool!!

Well a pool contract anyway. Now the fun part begins. First there is securing financing. We have one loan approved but it's not really the way we want to finance it. I would prefer to refinance the mortgage with the improvements included. We just applied today and should find out tomorrow if they are OK with the amount of improvements we want to do.

Then there is permits and HOA approvals. The pool builder mostly handles that. However if the HOA decides to sit on the approval then that could hold us up indefinitely. Or however long they can stand hearing from the hubby on a twice daily basis (and that's if they are lucky)

After we get everyone's blessing to move forward, my backyard will suddenly look like a bomb exploded with wall to wall workers there for at least a month. I'm told that's if I'm lucky! This guy claims to do all of them in 4 weeks so here's hoping.

My main concern beyond the normal ones involving whether the pool will be built correctly is my stepdaughter. She is now living with us and gets home from school very early. I'm not so comfortable with her walking into the middle of all of those workers. She's a really cute teenager and we worry about her dating as it is. I'm sure that 99.9% of these people are just good hardworking men. It's the 0.1% who might not be that I'm worried about. So I have to find somewhere else for her to go after school for 4 to 6 weeks to ease my mind.

Busy two weeks

It has been difficult to get motivated to get on here in the evening to do any updates. We have been running hard lately and I'm not just referring to the marathon training. The training has actually suffered.

What I'm referring to is keeping up with a teenager which is a constant in our lives now. But also all the stuff we add to our lives in addition. There is rodeo committees for both of us, marathon training, and then school for the hubby (getting his MBA -- I'm not that motivated to rule the world).

Lately we have added one more headache that will hopefully soon be a good thing. I have always wanted my own pool but really couldn't afford it. The hubby found out about this wish and wants to make it happen for me. I probably would have been fine for the rest of my life if I never had one because I'm cheap and pools aren't. The thing I worry about most, other than the truly exhorbitant cost of what we are about to build, is choosing the right company to do this.

I am having constant stress over this decision! I envision a big muddy hole in my once lovely back lawn and me not being able to find the person who started the project. I have heard enough horror stories to last a lifetime. So I have interviewed countless pool guys hoping that I can find the right one who won't abandon my dream and make it the nightmare that came true.

So everything else in my life has been abandoned to make way for this dream and the future serious debt that it brings. On the upside, I will have a lovely place to go enjoy at my own home because I am not so sure we will be able to afford anything outside the home!

I think we have finally decided who will build the pool, patio cover and outdoor fireplace and on a design for the most part. I think that this has been the second most stressful decision right behind building my first house. I am looking forward to getting the financing in place and let them get done with this so that I can relax. Until then, I'm probably going to make some sports massage therapist really rich (so that he/she can someday own a pool too!)