I stumbled on a website by someone named Maureen F. McHugh. She wrote an essay of sorts called "The Evil Stepmother." The whole piece was interesting but one part really struck home for me:
"Becoming a stepmother redefined who I am, and nothing I did could resist that inexorable redefining. I suppose motherhood redefines who you are, too. Part of the redefinition of me has been just that--sitting on the bench with the row of anxious mothers at the little league game or at martial arts. Going to school and being Adam's mother. Being Adam's mom. It has made me suddenly feel middle-aged in funny ways. I used to go through the grocery line and buy funky things like endive, a dozen doughnuts, a bottle of champagne and two tuna steaks. Now I buy carts full of cereal and hamburger and juice boxes. I used to buy overpriced jackets and expensive suits. Now I go to Sears and buy four sweat shirts and two packages of socks in the boys department."
"When I bought endive and champagne, the check out clerk used to ask me what I was making. But no one asks you what you are making when you buy cereal and hamburger."
I think that has been the hardest thing about becoming a stepmom. Overnight, the gourmet cooking that I love so very much was out the window and suddenly casseroles are a weekly part of my life. I don't really have the budget for the stylish clothes I used to have either. I can't say that I shop at Sears but I shop more bargains like never before. I sometimes miss the old me who had no one but my dogs to take care of. Now I'm the one responsible to make sure everyone is fed a healthy meal, gets everywhere on time, and apparently to keep track of everything the hubby has misplaced. It's exhausting sometimes and upsetting that the hubby doesn't understand why it's exhausting.
Anyway, it's an interesting essay if you want to read it:
The Evil Stepmother
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3 comments:
The (not)funny part about that, Carol, is that birth moms feel that way too. We are the "go to" girls...always in charge of everyone else's needs first, leaving little time for our own.
I guess being thrown into the deep end via marriage is probably a real shocker. I can't imagine going from non-mom to teenager's mom in one day.
I agree with Rhonda--you're not alone and we feel it on the other side of the tracks, too.
You ARE trying to feed your family pumpkin. That, my dear, is a great start. :-)
Rhonda - it wasn't too bad right at first. She lived with her mom and I was just the weekend mom. It was when she moved in and the hubby promptly started traveling non-stop that it was a true shock to the system.
Amber - it it because I try to feed her pumpkin (and cauliflower... and fish that isn't tilapia) that I'm an evil stepmom in her eyes! Heaven forbid that something healthy ever crosses those lips! ;-)
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